Wherein the Greeks know the best way to stay hydrated while exercising is to get tore up. Sports drink commercials feature a veritable tsunami of fluids: sweat dripping and running from well-toned athletes, sports drinks pouring from wide-mouthed bottles down the gulping gullets of said athletes, Leonardo DiCaprio sinking blue into the ocean depths…okay, maybe … Read More
Take a Good Look at My Face
Wherein the Egyptians know you’ll never be recognized if your face isn’t totally put together. As a kid I speculated whether the line in “Eleanor Rigby” about her “wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door” was about her keeping a jar full of real faces removed in a serial-killing spree. … Read More
Seize Her with a Tweezer
Wherein the Romans say “what the pluck” to body hair. I’m hairy noon and nighty-night night, my hair is a fright,” sang the Cowsills (in a song I butchered in my own not-so-inimitable style in an earlier article), and this certainly reflected the hirsute look beloved of the song’s hippies. I recently rewatched the film … Read More
I Read It in the Paper Today
Wherein the Chinese know the best news is independent news. Growing up I dreamed of being a journalist, even going so far as to create a family and neighborhood “newspaper” (hand written and illustrated by moi) and distributing it in a “vending machine” (a cardboard box, colored red with crayon and with a window cut … Read More
