Wherein popes knew cocaine wine tastes great, is less filling and gives you the energy you need to power through a really long church service. The appeal of the whole Cocaine Bear phenomenon largely eluded me. Even ignoring the fact that the real story is both less exciting and far sadder than the movie, I … Read More
I Will Drink the Wine
Wherein the Greeks know the best way to stay hydrated while exercising is to get tore up. Sports drink commercials feature a veritable tsunami of fluids: sweat dripping and running from well-toned athletes, sports drinks pouring from wide-mouthed bottles down the gulping gullets of said athletes, Leonardo DiCaprio sinking blue into the ocean depths…okay, maybe … Read More
Take a Good Look at My Face
Wherein the Egyptians know you’ll never be recognized if your face isn’t totally put together. As a kid I speculated whether the line in “Eleanor Rigby” about her “wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door” was about her keeping a jar full of real faces removed in a serial-killing spree. … Read More
Seize Her with a Tweezer
Wherein the Romans say “what the pluck” to body hair. I’m hairy noon and nighty-night night, my hair is a fright,” sang the Cowsills (in a song I butchered in my own not-so-inimitable style in an earlier article), and this certainly reflected the hirsute look beloved of the song’s hippies. I recently rewatched the film … Read More
